Open Letter to Working Mothers: Present & Future
In the 8-15 years after a woman graduates from college she’s likely going to hit one, two, or maybe even three major inflection points in her career: landing that dream job in a new city, coming up for partner or another major promotion, switching careers or industries, or maybe even going back to school.
Statistics also tell us she may have 1, 2, or maybe even 3 kids in that same exact window.
The collision of these personal and professional inflection points is nearly universal for working mothers who have completed a college education. Yet, nearly every woman I speak with feels nervous, challenged, or just completely overwhelmed by the prospect of advancing their family and career goals at the same time.
Too often, they don’t go for that new job because they’re going to “start trying soon” and are worried about vesting for parental leave at a new company or even qualifying for unpaid leave. They’re not confident they can step up to the plate for a big promotion because they are pregnant or have young children. Switching careers, industries, or going back to school can feel logistically impossible given the financial burden of childcare or the “mental load” that women disproportionally carry for their families.
In addition to childcare expenses, there’s also the financial realities of working mothers’ earning potential. According to the National Women’s Law Center: while on the whole working women make about 80 cents on the dollar as compared to working men, working mothers make 69 cents on the dollar as compared to working dads. That 69 cents is a blended average. The delta only widens for women of color.
So is it any surprise that women ask themselves (and often ask me), “if I take myself off the bench in my child-bearing years, will the juice be worth the squeeze?”
Let’s take ourselves off the bench.
When I speak to women, they sometimes say they can’t make that career move because of “the math.” I don’t blame them for feeling that way: the math is overwhelming.
They’re going to start trying to get pregnant soon (so let’s assume that’s a 6 month runway).
Then, they can’t transition professionally because they are trying and if they switch now they’ll never vest for parental leave at their next company or qualify for FMLA (let’s call that 3 months just to be conservative even though we know it often takes 6 months or more to conceive—especially if you experience miscarriages or fertility interventions).
Then, they’re pregnant for 40 weeks (which is actually more like 10 months than 9). Making a switch during pregnancy can feel unfathomable, though I’ve seen women do it as far along as 35 weeks.
Then, they feel like they can’t even think about a transition because they’re on maternity leave for 3 months. A time, I will concede, that is overwhelming, all-encompassing, defined by a total lack of sleep, and which flies by far too quickly.
Then, they ask me, how can they possibly think about making a career transition when they’re in that “survival mode” of just being back at work for the first 3 months post-baby?
Then, they don’t have the confidence or energy to make that next career leap because they’re finally getting back into a routine at work, projects are picking back up, and they’re just now feeling settled (let’s call that another 3 months).
…see where I’m going with this?
That is 28 months, or nearly 2.5 years per child, that women are keeping themselves on the bench. If you have 2 kids that is almost 5 years (half a decade!) of keeping yourself on the bench. Five years of stopping yourself from stepping up to the plate on a major career moment… or possibly even 2 or 3.
I promise you: you can do it.
When you take yourself off the bench—in service to your authentic goals—you will be blown away with what you can achieve.
I had two kids in a span of 2 years and 6 days. I got promoted during my first pregnancy. During my second maternity leave I left my job for a bigger, badder opportunity at a new organization. Since getting pregnant with my my first I (literally) doubled my compensation through those two big transitions and additional raises along the way. I retained wage parity with my husband, even making more some years. An accidental entrepreneur, I started my business, Something Major, which took off with a speed I did not anticipate.
Despite everything social science tells us should have happened to me, I defied the motherhood penalty.
I am not lucky, nor is my story unique. I’ve gotten here with the mentoring of successful women who did it before me and with the continuous support of women who are in the trenches with me right now.
I am in constant admiration of the other women I know who are not just surviving at work post-baby, but thriving. In true “shine theory” fashion, their peer-mentoring and friendship has been a source of immense inspiration for me…. and, at times, a lifeline.
That’s why in late 2019 I went full-time in my coaching, consulting, and speaking business, Something Major.
This is a topic I speak on frequently and one of my most popular individual coaching requests. It’s also a topic that I’m absolutely passionate about. Expect more content to come on this topic as I transition to Something Major full-time, and please email me your thoughts and questions.
Moms, you’re truly on the precipice of Something Major. Let’s get there.